No, I’m not getting married (been there, done that. It was spectacular, too!). But I have a niece and a very close cousin who are getting married this year.
Is it just me or do all women have a need to look good (read: thin) at a wedding? Any wedding. All weddings. Is it because we all sweated our own big days, desperately struggling to look our very best (read: thinnest) when we walked down the aisle? Or does any special occasion stir up thoughts of being thin because we’re bound to run into old friends and family and we want them all to say, “Damn, she looks good… 40? She can’t be 40!”
So, yeah, I have two weddings this year… one on my husband’s side, the other on mine. One in May, the other in July. What’s really funny (or scary, perhaps) is that I’ve already lost the weight. I’m already thinner than I was on my wedding day, thinner than I’ve been since my 20s. I had to buy new jeans because the skinny jeans were a little loose (OK, not that loose, but I really wanted new jeans). So why would I be worried about being thin for these weddings?
Because I’m still scared I’m going to screw this up.
Let’s face it. I’ve lost weight before. And gained it back. Of course the fear is there (right next to the chocolate). And what a big bummer it would be to be thin for a while only to gain weight and feel chunky when it comes time to celebrate with family and friends (even if everyone is eyeing the bride).
I do the math more than I should admit: four months till K’s wedding; then two month’s before A’s big day. I can stay strong. I tell myself. I can do this.
I can do it. I can maintain. And not for a wedding (or two). Forever. That was the idea. Maybe if I keep reminding myself of that I’ll stop doing the math and just keep working on being healthy. That way when the DJ plays “Celebrate” I can. And I won’t feel bad doing it.