I’ve been a mom for exactly 21 months today and it’s clear that Baby Blue will forever be the center of my world. I’m determined to have my own goals and go after my own dreams, but every decision we make must be made with him in mind. It’s actually refreshing and helps put everything in perspective.
For example:
We have a great condo with a pool, workout room, killer closets, granite countertops, walking distance from all things cool… but there’s no yard for Blue to play in and the effort to pack him up and take him to a park is… well–annoying– for all of us. He’s at an age that begs for some independence and being shuffled around during these outings frustrates him. We can’t sell right now. Do we rent the condo out in exchange for a house with a yard? The idea is a little daunting, but appealing — we’d sure miss the ability to walk down the street to a burger, beer, book or bag of groceries, but, we’re learning, it’s not about us anymore.
In terms of my goals…
I am one of those moms who hates leaving her child every single day, spending 10+ hours away from him, only to come home, feed him, bathe him and put him to bed. It’s so anticlimactic. That’s not what I signed up for when I decided to become a mom. But work is work. I’m grateful to have it. Yet I dream of one day leaving the corp world behind in favor of a more balanced lifestyle–one in which I can earn a living AND be there for my son. And I truly believe that, for me, anyway –it’s the combo that’s best for both of us. I don’t want to be a fulltime, stay-at-home mom. I have friends who do, and that’s good (for them). For me, I want the best of both worlds. I want the freedom to spend the day with him when he needs it (or I do). But I also want to pursue my dreams and show him what’s possible and how to make it happen. And, let’s face it, I want to earn some dollars to put towards a lifestyle that is engaging, educational and exciting for all of us.
Perhaps with that in mind — the idea that this isn’t some silly pursuit that is best done after the IMPORTANT stuff is attended to, that accomplishing my dreams not only sets me free, it’s good for Blue–perhaps that will give me that little push to just do it.