The past four months have been insane. Probably the most hectic months since I moved back home 4 1/2 years ago. The vast reduction of one big client’s fee had more impact than I’m sure he could ever imagine. Both good and bad.

I ghost wrote a book, which is super cool, but  was also super stressful and time consuming. I estimate that I’ve probably spent about 580 hours on it over the past four months, which would break down to me earning just a little bit more than I was making at the Gap in 1992. Stress management has been the hardest part. But, despite the tight deadlines and volume of work, I have really, really enjoyed it and am very proud that it’s almost complete.

I took on a new job, which I’ll admit has been a tough adjustment after four years of freelancing. But my family is adjusting better than expected, partly because my hubby has been really helpful with the kids, and I like the work and my coworkers.

But I have worked both days of every weekend since Christmas, and these seven-day workweeks are killing me. Sometimes I think it’s my computer that I’m married to instead of my husband.

But I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which is the reason for the Aaaahhh.

• The book is almost complete, so I’ll be able to go back to doing my other writing projects on my weekdays off. 
• A commitment we made for the kids, every Saturday for four weeks, is almost over. We leave at 10am and get home at 6pm, so it’s been exhausting. But they have loved it, and tomorrow is the last day. So next Saturday I have off!
• And this week they found someone to replace me on the ministry I have managed at church for almost four years, so I won’t have to stress about buying pudding cups or recruiting volunteers anymore.

Aaaaahhh. Almost. 

Even though my weekdays will continue to be hectic, life will even out a bit when my weekends are once again free to relax. Won’t that be nice?

After working from home for myself as a freelancer for 4+ years (awesome!), I’ve taken on a part-time job in my field three days a week. A huge blessing in this still-tough economy. I wasn’t quite sure what it would be like to return to an office setting and a boss — actually four bosses — after such a long time of being on my own and running the show.

So after two weeks, I have to admit that it’s actually really nice.  First of all, my four bosses are pretty cool.  (And yes, I think they do read this blog from time to time — hi guys!)  I like all of my co-workers so far: they’re welcoming, very talented and creative. Things are progressing more quickly than I was expecting on the new business front, which rocks.  And there aren’t any delis within a block of my building, which will force me to either get exercise or limit me to the Lean Cuisines that I swore I’d start eating for lunch. No more wandering downstairs to pilfer my kids’ chocolate pudding cups!

All positives. 

One thing that has shown itself to be a stark contrast, which I guess I’d just forgotten, is how motivating having a boss can be. Anyone that has been their own boss knows that motivation can become an issue at times. When no one is looking over your shoulder, asking how things are going and checking up on you, it’s just too easy to relax and not push as hard. It’s not that I’d veg out on the couch and watch Oprah all day. I don’t think I even did that once while I was working from home. But it’s easy to be distracted by little things and not stay as focused as you probably should.

So that’s certainly a positive. And, at least for these past two weeks, that’s carrying over into my freelance work on the other two days. Perhaps it’s just trying to cram all of my writing into two days that’s keeping me so busy. Or maybe it’s that I’m getting into the habit of being more focused again.  Maybe a combo of both. Either way, I think I’m getting about 50% more done each day than I was a few months ago, which feels good!

(more…)

Yes, I know, I’ve been gone for weeks! Sorry about that. When you’re writing a blog about setting goals, getting motivated and moving your life forward but you’re  not really walking the walk, it seems like a sham to write about it. But I’m back. (Deep sigh of relief.)

I’ve talked a lot about my aspirations as a writer, and one of my dreams was realized during that down period. Sort of. I wrote a book, but it was for someone else.  My family can’t understand the concept of ghost writing, but in a nutshell, he tells me the gist of what he wants to say, I write it out, we go through a few revisions, and he sends me a check. It’s been an interesting project, and I dearly loved the writing portion. But I’m glad it’s almost over so I can take a breather.  I have literally spent 15 hour days glued to the computer.

But going back to goals…my daughter is applying for the talented and gifted “leadership” program, and the application asked what goals she has set in life. She’s only 11, so her goals are things like performing on Broadway. Pretty nice goal, right?

After much thought, I realized she just doesn’t sit there an write out her goals. She just does it intuitively. She sees something she wants and she jumps in and goes after it. She doesn’t worry about exactly how she wants to word her goal, if that’s the right goal, what strategies she’s going to employ to get there.

I think as adults, we may be making this too complicated. If you want to be a writer, start writing and look for every opportunity you can find to get paid for it. If you want to stay home with your kids instead of working full-time, save up your money, trim some expenses and just do it. Want to retire at 50? Quit buying fancy cars and expensive clothes and invest your money instead.

I guess as humans, we’re always looking for shortcuts. And we really hate failure. So we try to devise a plan to reach our goal that will be the quickest and most efficient route. But sometimes we’re just wasting time with all of this planning.

In the immortal words of some Nike copywriter: Just Do It!

 I actually love the idea of starting fresh in a new industry.  It’s sort of sexy and a great way to maximize what life has to offer.  But the brainstorming is already bombarded with Yeah Butts (my mother liked to point out my habit of introducing those pesky little creatures). 

These are the ideas that have floated through my wee brain regarding the THEN WHATs:

Dental Hygienist – minimal additional schooling required; decent day rates; most work as much as they choose (allowing time for family/writing)… BUT no freedom on the job.

Editor (TV/Film) – tackle storytelling from a new angle, could be lucrative, interesting to work alongside creative… BUT expensive educational requirements, long hours away from home

Graphic Designer/Website Designer – fascinated with layouts and design, a few classes could be enough to get me started, writer/designer combo could be lucrative… BUT even a freelance career means remaining part of the corporate world; constant job scrounging

 Ideas?  Anyone?

I’ve always heard people say that if you ask God for patience, he’ll give you a reason to be patient. I never really understood that until now. I’ve been praying for focus and motivation, and through circumstances in my professional life, he’s given it to me ten-fold! Now I’m so busy I can’t think straight. But it’s all good.

Goals for the rest of this week:

• Remember to vote, although for whom, I have no idea
• Make some Arbonne calls so November doesn’t slip away from me
• Finish chapter 1 and start on chapter 2 for the book I’m ghost writing

That’s probably enough. Wish me luck!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. 

No, really? 

Yeah, yeah – kinda the whole point, right?  But here’s a question I’m not sure I can answer yet:  is it better to go balls-out for your big dream, making the plan, dedicating your free time, taking the risks and going for it 100 percent…

OR (how can there be an OR?)

Do you complement said dream with a backup plan?

AND (there’s an AND, too?)

Does the backup plan muddy the dream? 

I know, without a doubt, that I want to be a writer—not in a big corporation making an OK living working 9-6, but achieving big things in publishing.  Big enough that I can exhale a bit financially, leave the corporate world, enjoy my family and maybe, just maybe—explore a little (the world, my mind). 

BUT (not the BUT)

That’s a big dream.  I won’t mention the risks and the lack of control, let’s just say this: I might not make it.  Most don’t.  So then what?

Ahhhh—the backup plan.  See where I’m going? 

I wish I could say I’d be happy working for another 20-30 years in the corporate world, but I can’t.  I got a taste of freedom when I freelanced and I can’t seem to shake it.  Now’s not the time, but someday it will be.  Then what (she asks again)?

You know that thing that you dread the most—that task, project, race, effort or goal that has been haunting you for way too long?  Ever notice that once you actually start doing it how it’s not nearly as hard as you thought it would be? 

Well, if you’d actually start doing it, you’d notice. 

Seriously.

Now that I’m actually making progress on my book, I’m realizing that it really isn’t that hard.  I let myself off the hook and decided that the SFD was far less intimidating than writing the final version.  And the final version will be far easier once I have the SFD.  All I’m doing at this point is telling a story—TO ME—and there is absolutely no pressure in that.  In fact, it’s kind of fun.

I found the same thing with losing the weight.  One day, I ate the cookie because I thought I deserved it.  The next day, I skipped it for the same reason.  Suddenly, missing out on a cookie wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as I’d made it out to be.  These days, breaking out the computer and doing a little (bad) writing is a piece of cake…

…so to speak.

If you’re like me you get discouraged when you want to achieve something so badly, can’t seem to make it happen, yet everyone around you is doing it like it’s no big deal. 

I remember when I was trying to get pregnant with baby Blue.  I always knew a few days in advance when that month wasn’t THE month, because I would suddenly be faced with an unbelievable number of pregnant women, women with babies… and pregnant women with babies.  (Shoot — my fertility doctor, acupuncturist and a urologist were knocked up during my darkest hours—the urologist had twins to boot). 

But no matter what you’re striving for—writing a book, running a 10K, landing a job, making the team, getting your child into THE preschool—no matter how easy the next guy makes it look, keep this in mind:  that guy is struggling with something too.   Those women I saw month after month might’ve gotten pregnant just by looking at their men, but they might not be able to cook mac & cheese like I can. 

And maybe they really, really want to… and just don’t know how to make it happen.

I figured out something very important today with regard to my book.  I’m writing for a very specific audience and have been following online forums with a passion to ensure that my finger is on the pulse and all (it’s also an excellent source of procrastination).  The SFD has been hard enough (when it comes to fiction), adding to it is that I feel like I’m underestimating my audience if I allow myself the SFD.  There’s no research, no contemplation, no… perfection – and these people deserve only the best. 

But the lesson I learned today isn’t about how I need to relax and be willing to write badly knowing that I can edit/polish later – it’s a discovery that’s actually sort of insulting to my audience (so forgive me if you ever should join that esteemed group). 

They’re not that smart. 

OK that sounds bad.  But here’s the thing:  I’m not that smart either.  I am one of them.  I’m writing for me (in more ways than one).  This book is not intended to educate anyone, it’s not supposed to do anything other than be fun, relatable and an easy, enjoyable read.  It doesn’t have to be movie fodder, doesn’t have to win any literary awards, doesn’t have to garner that “Today” show interview I’ve been practicing for… it just has to tell a few good stories. 

Sort of takes the pressure off.

Acronyms are slowly, but surely chipping away at our brains—what is the ETA of the CPK, ‘cause the CEO is LOL in his BMW. 

So forgive me when I add one: SFD = Shitty First Draft.   I’ve found it quite useful in my writing.  Tough press release?  No problem.  Just rough it together as best you can with the info you have available and fill in the blanks later.  Given the SFD, a spectacular final product is relatively painless.  Edit here, polish there: presto! 

I think the SFD can apply to just about any project.  Take our home office.  Now the “S” in SFD is all we’ve got covered at this point—but the idea of getting the items into a bit of organized chaos is a good one.  Once each piece of paper, each binder clip, each random cord and jar of coins is in a designated spot—actually setting up the office will be a matter of editing.

Funny thing though. The SFD has been harder to come by in my fiction writing.  I’ve a hard time not making it perfect the first time around—and not just with my current project.  My writing group used to make fun of me because I had the story so fleshed out by the time my turn came around, I wasn’t prepared for their feedback and (gasp) –the idea of making changes.  I was horribly derailed a few months ago when I read an amazing book (“The Help”) and realized my book was sorely lacking. 

Well—duh. 

The joy of the SFD IS that it is sorely lacking.  And that’s OK.  In fact, if its only purpose is to remove the chains we put on ourselves to be perfect the first try—freeing us to write crappy, misspelled, nonsensical tangents (that ultimately get us closer to where we need to be)—then that’s just f-ing brilliant.

Or, as I like to say, JFB.  K?