I ghost wrote a book, which is super cool, but  was also super stressful and time consuming. I estimate that I’ve probably spent about 580 hours on it over the past four months, which would break down to me earning just a little bit more than I was making at the Gap in 1992. Stress management has been the hardest part. But, despite the tight deadlines and volume of work, I have really, really enjoyed it and am very proud that it’s almost complete.

I took on a new job, which I’ll admit has been a tough adjustment after four years of freelancing. But my family is adjusting better than expected, partly because my hubby has been really helpful with the kids, and I like the work and my coworkers.

But I have worked both days of every weekend since Christmas, and these seven-day workweeks are killing me. Sometimes I think it’s my computer that I’m married to instead of my husband.

But I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which is the reason for the Aaaahhh.

• The book is almost complete, so I’ll be able to go back to doing my other writing projects on my weekdays off. 
• A commitment we made for the kids, every Saturday for four weeks, is almost over. We leave at 10am and get home at 6pm, so it’s been exhausting. But they have loved it, and tomorrow is the last day. So next Saturday I have off!
• And this week they found someone to replace me on the ministry I have managed at church for almost four years, so I won’t have to stress about buying pudding cups or recruiting volunteers anymore.

Aaaaahhh. Almost. 

Even though my weekdays will continue to be hectic, life will even out a bit when my weekends are once again free to relax. Won’t that be nice?

Has it worked? Here’s a little update.

• Cheryl lost whatever small amount of weight she had to lose before she turned 40 and has kept it off. The last time I saw her, she looked amazing!
• I lost about 7 pounds and kept it off for a while. I looked pretty darn good. But, I’m sad to say, between the holidays, vacation in Florida over Christmas and the stress of this book I’ve been writing, I gained it all back. So now, on my 41st birthday, I way exactly what I weighed before. That sucks!
• Beyond weight, we still have some pretty hefty goals and dreams in life. No, we’re not there. Mostly because life gets in the way for us, as it does for most people. But the important thing is that we haven’t given up and we keep pushing forward!

So here are some goals for a glorious 41st year, in no specific order:

• Reduce my “toxic burden.” No, I don’t mean my husband. (He’s awesome, by the way.) I mean the amount of toxins that we all have in our system because of chemicals in our food, water and air. I’m reading Suzanne Somers’ new book, Sexy Forever and I’m a believer!  I want to start eating more organic fruit and veggies, buying grass-fed beef and organic meat, and completely eliminating any fast food and soft drinks.   That will be a great start!
• Lose weight. It’s a bit embarassing to even have this on here at this point. But if I can be successful at goal number one, then this goal will become a lot easier.
• Declutter my home. We’re going to have a kick ass yard sale this spring, and maybe a few of them. I want to be able to look around my home and see only essential things that we actually use.
• Once this book is finished, I want to spend more time writing for myself and build my Arbonne business.
• Reduce my debt, which will be easier with my new job, writing and Arbonne.
• Spend more time with God.
• Make having a  monthly date night with the hubby a top priority.

I didn’t bother making these New Year’s resolutions, because that’s pointless and would almost guarantee that I don’t do it. So instead, they’re goals for my 41st year. Wish me luck!

Now you may be thinking I’m deranged to enjoy such a lack of food options, but it’s actually quite ideal. When I worked in  NYC, there were delis on every block. So grabbing a brownie and Arizona Iced Tea to feed my afternoon cravings was no big deal — I could be back before my boss even realized I was gone. In Cincinnati, Skyline Chili always called my name. It was just too easy to cheat on my diet and make unhealthy choices.

But now, it’s not really an option. As long as I can keep myself from bringing bad stuff with me, I should be good. And when I do cave, at least I get a four-block walk’s worth of exercise and can choose a healthier sandwich.

And considering that the full-length mirror in the office’s ladies’ room somehow makes me look like I’ve gained 20 pounds, that’s a good thing!

So after two weeks, I have to admit that it’s actually really nice.  First of all, my four bosses are pretty cool.  (And yes, I think they do read this blog from time to time — hi guys!)  I like all of my co-workers so far: they’re welcoming, very talented and creative. Things are progressing more quickly than I was expecting on the new business front, which rocks.  And there aren’t any delis within a block of my building, which will force me to either get exercise or limit me to the Lean Cuisines that I swore I’d start eating for lunch. No more wandering downstairs to pilfer my kids’ chocolate pudding cups!

All positives. 

One thing that has shown itself to be a stark contrast, which I guess I’d just forgotten, is how motivating having a boss can be. Anyone that has been their own boss knows that motivation can become an issue at times. When no one is looking over your shoulder, asking how things are going and checking up on you, it’s just too easy to relax and not push as hard. It’s not that I’d veg out on the couch and watch Oprah all day. I don’t think I even did that once while I was working from home. But it’s easy to be distracted by little things and not stay as focused as you probably should.

So that’s certainly a positive. And, at least for these past two weeks, that’s carrying over into my freelance work on the other two days. Perhaps it’s just trying to cram all of my writing into two days that’s keeping me so busy. Or maybe it’s that I’m getting into the habit of being more focused again.  Maybe a combo of both. Either way, I think I’m getting about 50% more done each day than I was a few months ago, which feels good!

I’ve talked a lot about my aspirations as a writer, and one of my dreams was realized during that down period. Sort of. I wrote a book, but it was for someone else.  My family can’t understand the concept of ghost writing, but in a nutshell, he tells me the gist of what he wants to say, I write it out, we go through a few revisions, and he sends me a check. It’s been an interesting project, and I dearly loved the writing portion. But I’m glad it’s almost over so I can take a breather.  I have literally spent 15 hour days glued to the computer.

But going back to goals…my daughter is applying for the talented and gifted “leadership” program, and the application asked what goals she has set in life. She’s only 11, so her goals are things like performing on Broadway. Pretty nice goal, right?

After much thought, I realized she just doesn’t sit there an write out her goals. She just does it intuitively. She sees something she wants and she jumps in and goes after it. She doesn’t worry about exactly how she wants to word her goal, if that’s the right goal, what strategies she’s going to employ to get there.

I think as adults, we may be making this too complicated. If you want to be a writer, start writing and look for every opportunity you can find to get paid for it. If you want to stay home with your kids instead of working full-time, save up your money, trim some expenses and just do it. Want to retire at 50? Quit buying fancy cars and expensive clothes and invest your money instead.

I guess as humans, we’re always looking for shortcuts. And we really hate failure. So we try to devise a plan to reach our goal that will be the quickest and most efficient route. But sometimes we’re just wasting time with all of this planning.

In the immortal words of some Nike copywriter: Just Do It!

The thing is–we took my son in for a speech therapy evaluation and came out with suspected autism.  It was a punch in the stomach like I’ve never felt before.  Handling bad news about myself sucks–news about jobs I didn’t get, bills I had to pay, infertility, surgery debacles–but handling bad news about my almost-two-year-old son is a blow I wasn’t prepared to take.  Is anyone?

But this blog isn’t about autism.  It isn’t about my son’s struggles–it’s about mine.  And through this news, I think I’ve learned something rather disappointing about myself–something I need to overcome.  And now is the time.

We feel strongly that my son’s condition is mild if anything, and that he’ll respond to therapy and quite possibly be off of any spectrum by the time he starts school.  My concern is the word “autism.”  I feel if he carries that word with him, it will be a self-fulfilling ailment: if he believes he’s supposed to struggle socially, he most certainly will.  So I’ve been debating on whether we will ever tell Blue about the word that was tossed around just before he turned 2.  I’m not even sure I want to obtain a formal diagnosis.  If one doesn’t exist — then we wouldn’t be hiding anything from him.  

How does this relate to me?  I was relaying this issue to a friend last night and heard myself saying something along the lines of: “We all look for reasons why we can’t succeed.  This would give him one big one.  Who needs help finding excuses?” 

And it hit me.

This word has already provided me with an excuse.  I can’t write my book–my blog even–because my son might have autism. 

In fairness — there are things that need to be done, therapies that need to be coordinated.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t find time to follow my own dreams. 

I heard that moms of kids with autism are often called “autism warriors.”  It’s not a title I desire (though who does?).  But I think it’s up to me to define myself.  I can dedicate my life to this… or dedicate my life to myself (which my son is a big part of) and live the definition I choose.

I think that our blog is a bit misleading in that it talks about tackling one goal at a time.  “Pick one,” I’ve said on a number of occasions.  But the truth is–that’s not life.  By tackling one goal at a time, the curve balls that make up life will quite possibly take over…and that’s not okay.  It just has to be possible to fight the good fight on behalf of my son–and show him how I can still be the person I want to be.  Isn’t that the ultimate lesson?

Stay tuned.

So I’m writing my ass off, and just noticed that the sun was shining on my backyard. Welcome back! Opened the drapes to admire it and quickly realized it was just a break in the clouds. It’s still cold and gloomy. But I’m going to take that little burst of sunshine and enjoy it while it’s here! (Shoot, it’s already gone! Oh well.)

My career has been the same way this year.  A slow draught, and then WHAM! I am so slammed I’m working 15 hours a day and on weekends. Can’t sleep, can’t go to Jazzercise, sometimes I even forget to take a shower and eat lunch I’m so busy.  And more cool projects and assignments are on the horizon.

So I’m going to enjoy this sunshine while it lasts!

I get out of bed in the mornings with the brilliant idea that I’ll check my email and try to get a few things checked off my list before the kids wake up. Don’t need a shower yet because I’m going to Jazzercise at 9. Then they’re up and it’s off to the races — pick out the clothes, make sure the teeth are brushed, make the lunches, check the homework, get your coats. That’s my version of rush hour.

When I get home from dropping them off, I can’t wait to attack my day. I grab a protein shake and a Fizz Tab, sit down at the computer and start checking things off. Take a look at Craig’s List in case any interesting freelance jobs have popped up (like I could handle it, even if one did) — check! Update my blogs — check! Go through my email, again — check! Now it’s time to sit down and write. Oh no, Jazzercise started five minutes ago! Oh well, I really need to stay here and write. And write. And write.

Shoot! It’s 2:15, I’ve got to get over to pick up Sully from school! My stomach feels kind of queasy. Ugh, forgot lunch again.  Grab a pack of Ho-Hos for some emergency sustenance and jump in the car.  Get home from picking up kids and head back to the computer to try to finish up that chapter. Mom, I’m hungry!  Run back downstairs and make supper, then back up to the computer. Mom, can you help me get in the shower? Realizing I forgot to take a shower myself, I rush the first one through bath time, 30 minutes till the first bedtime. Back to the computer. Then it’s brush your teeth, let’s read a book, say our prayers, bedtime! But there’s one more…coax her upstairs, go through the same routine, blah blah blah, bedtime! 

Then my hubby gets home from the game and starts to make himself some supper. Are you hungry? Yeah, I kind of forgot to eat dinner. So we dine at 9:30 (reason why I’m not losing weight).  Then try to grab a few more minutes to write. Shoot! Is it really 11? I’m exhausted and have tons to do tomorrow. So I finally go to bed myself, stinky, full and tired, all to wake up and do it all over again. But the next day, I’ll have to find time to fit in a shower.

No rest for the weary, right?

These are the ideas that have floated through my wee brain regarding the THEN WHATs:

Dental Hygienist – minimal additional schooling required; decent day rates; most work as much as they choose (allowing time for family/writing)… BUT no freedom on the job.

Editor (TV/Film) – tackle storytelling from a new angle, could be lucrative, interesting to work alongside creative… BUT expensive educational requirements, long hours away from home

Graphic Designer/Website Designer – fascinated with layouts and design, a few classes could be enough to get me started, writer/designer combo could be lucrative… BUT even a freelance career means remaining part of the corporate world; constant job scrounging

 Ideas?  Anyone?

Goals for the rest of this week:

• Remember to vote, although for whom, I have no idea
• Make some Arbonne calls so November doesn’t slip away from me
• Finish chapter 1 and start on chapter 2 for the book I’m ghost writing

That’s probably enough. Wish me luck!